Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
