Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
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You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
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I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
why is half of my head shaved?
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