How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
