Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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