Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(360): View more from Washington

I don't think brook has ever known best

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(908): View more from New Jersey

Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.

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(512): View more from Texas

At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."

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(404): View more from Georgia

I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?

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(519): View more from Ontario

He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.

(604): View more from British Columbia

HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES

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(315): View more from New York

I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in

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(845): View more from New York

I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount

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(250): View more from British Columbia

Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....

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(208): View more from Idaho

Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?

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