did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
