in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
My vagina just recognized that song.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
