Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
