Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
