How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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