I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
