What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
