I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
