we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
