when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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