so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I have post one night stand depression
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
