Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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