I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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