My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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