small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
there is glitter all over my balls
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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