I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
