Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize