Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
