she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I think my moral compass just broke
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
