chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
