I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
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