i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
