69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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