if you like me you must not know who I am
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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