Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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