WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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