you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
