Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
