i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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