dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
is wine microwaveable?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
