I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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