The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.