woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.