it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"