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I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
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