he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
23 Insane Reasons People Got Fired
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.