Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.