I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Everclear isn't food dammit
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I party with great urgency now.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
