we have officially lost it.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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