I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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