Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
