Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
