someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
