just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
