your thong is hanging out like whoa
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
