you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
