Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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