Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Semen is not good for contacts.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
