Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
