; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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