He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
