Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
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Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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