READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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