Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize