Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
