Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
babies were throwing up all over the place
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
