Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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