I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I AM VODKA MAN
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
