we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
