don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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