Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
