Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
