at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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