I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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