They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
