i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
