Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
