i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
