Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
