If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Found your dick twin last night
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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