His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
