He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
