Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
