blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
