Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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