now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
