And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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