We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
