dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
