I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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