Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Randomize
