before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
nutella sex= disaster
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
