I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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