Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Randomize
