she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
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He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
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you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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