I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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