I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
