I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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