like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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