who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
