booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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