If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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