Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
